Goodbye for now.

John Gordon Van Dam, Sr.
1/1/1919 ~ 1/27/2010

Grandpa passed away early this morning. It hurts. We knew he didn't have much longer and I am thankful that Zack came home this past weekend so that we could all go over to Grandpa's and spend some time visiting with him. I talked to the kids before we went that this would probably be the last time they see him so enjoy your time. They did. Grandpa asked Libby to sit on the bed next to him and he held her hand. It was so sweet. I am sure she will never forget that. Even as weak as Grandpa was he was still making little jokes either verbally or with his eyes. That is the Grandpa I love.

He is now in heaven back together with his lovely bride and they are both whole and pain free.

A blessing indeed!

Yesterday I got that call that we all hate to get but it is part of life. "Grandpa isn't doing well." I knew he had aged a lot between Thanksgiving and Christmas but I still wasn't ready for that call. January 1st I posted about him celebrating his 91st birthday. He was in the hospital for his birthday but he was able to come home on Sunday. Yesterday he gave us quite a scare. The doctor wasn't able to get any response from him. My Aunt is wintering in Texas and she was told she should come home. She will be here at 3pm today.

I went and sat with Grandpa last night and to everyone's surprise he was awake, sitting up, and being his spunky self (as spunky as you can be at 91 that is, wink). He enjoys giving people a hard time, especially my Dad. When my Dad came in the room to give him his hearing aids he handed him the first one and said, "I thought you might like to have these in while people are here. This one is for your right ear". After Grandpa had it in Dad handed him the next one and said, "this is the one for your left ear". I chuckled a little when I seen Grandpa furrow his brow at him with a look of "really? I thought it was a second one for my right ear". LOL! Then my Dad (because he is just like his father) seen the scowl and said, "and this one is for your middle ear" and pretended to hand him a third one. Since Grandpa hadn't put in the second one yet he looked at my Dad and proceeded to put the left hearing aid in his nose!!! We were all laughing then!

I love my Grandpa so much and I am so blessed to know that he loves me just as much. I will be very sad to see Grandpa leave this world but I am holding onto the image of God with his arms spread waiting to greet my Grandfather with a huge hug and whisper into his ear "well done good and faithful servant, well done."

This is one of my favorite pictures of Grandpa with Kaylyn about 10 years ago.

Happy 91st birthday Grandpa!

This picture was taken last February while my Grandpa was staying in Texas with my Aunt for a couple of months. My mom and dad (in the picture with him) were visiting him on their way to Arizona.


This has been a hard year on Grandpa. He continues to battle congestive heart failure. My dad had to take him to the ER this morning because he was so nauseous and having dry heaves (sorry about the tmi). They ended up admitting him so he is spending his birthday in the hospital. Poor Grandpa. They are thinking it is from a change in his medicine but wanted to monitor him overnight.

This is a picture from Christmas day.

I love you Grandpa!

Happy Birthday Kaylyn!

A little late again. My poor blog is full of cobwebs.

Kaylyn turned 14 a couple weeks ago. We usually celebrate on Sunday's with cake and ice cream but because life has been so hectic we squeezed it in on a Tuesday night and I made tacos for everyone and then we had cake and ice cream.

Kaylyn has been asking me for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for the past couple years. Her Grandma Hill made it for her every year but Grandma passed away in 2005 and Kaylyn has been missing her cake. The problem is my mother, uncle, and myself get headaches from chocolate so a double chocolate cake is way too much for us. I came up with a simple solution that I should have thought of long ago. Provide 2 desserts. I had one happy girl this year. Wink!



It was also nice to have Grandpa join us. He loves all his Great-grandkids. Emily thinks he is pretty cool too because he gives her rides on his walker and she thinks she is pretty big stuff on it.

Thank you!

Thank you for all of the kind words and prayers. My parents asked me to speak at my Grandma's funeral Sunday. They have also asked to have my 4 kids, my sister's 3 kids, and my cousins 2 kids to sing all four verses of Amazing Grace.

This is what I have written for it.


Titus 2:3-5 "Likewise, teach the older woman to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger woman to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

When my mother called me to ask if I would consider speaking today I knew right away that I wanted to share my memories because of my deep love for my Grandma. I also knew that it would be very difficult because of my deep love for my Grandma.

I am blessed to have many wonderful memories of my Grandma because I grew up so close to her. We lived at the end of a mile long driveway with my Uncle Dan next door and my Grandparents just over the hill from them. Living so close made Christmas mornings a wonderful time. We would drive up the road to Grandpa and Grandma's for breakfast. Uncle Dan and his family and Aunt Carol and her family would also be there. It would smell so good when we entered Grandpa and Grandma's house. Grandpa would be cooking on the electric griddle at the counter bar and Grandma would be busy in the kitchen getting the rest of the food ready. One year for Christmas my Grandma gave Tammy, Julie, and me fabric to make pajamas. Then she had us spend the night at her house and she taught us how to sew the pajamas.

Sleepovers at Grandma's were always fun. Who remembers eating homemade popcorn out of brown grocery bags? How about sleeping on the floor in the back living room in sleeping bags and being woken up every hour from the chiming of the Grandfather clock? I know all of the Grandkids and even some of the Great-grandkids remember the drawer full of toys with the 2 dolls, one dark one light, that never seemed to have any clothes to wear. Then there was trying on Grandma's square dancing stuff, especially all of the puffy skirts. How about the little round wooden tuit? And let's not forget Grandma's cereal cookies.

Grandpa and Grandma also enjoyed going camping. I wonder how many times us grandkids asked for the meaning of the sticker on their trailer that read, "If this trailer's rockin' don't bother knockin'". What did that mean Grandpa? We always looked forward to going along on a camping trip with Grandpa and Grandma. Many of them were spent at Sandy Point. Remember the swimming pool inside the Golden Onion? How about taking a paddle boat out to the little island? Then there was sleeping on a bunk bed that doubled as a cupboard during the day. And toast isn't toast if it isn't black, at least that is what Grandpa would tell us when Grandma would burn the toast. Those were fun times.

Grandma loved to crochet. She taught me how to make a broomstick afghan for my doll like the green and white one on the back of her favorite chair. She also made ponchos for some of us girls. Supposedly I may or may not have ripped mine and then took my sister's to replace it. Sorry Jul.

Grandpa and Grandma put in an in ground swimming pool one summer. Tom, do you remember sitting and watching that being built? How many hot summer days were spent swimming in that pool? How many times do you think Julie could only put part of her body in it because she was wearing a cast on some other part of her body? Remember having contests to see who could do the silliest dives off the diving board? I think even Grandpa may have occasionally gotten in on that fun. We would get so excited when Grandpa and Grandma would give in to our begging and join us in the water.

All of these childhood memories mean so much to me, but a memory that has had the biggest impact on my life is seeing unconditional love lived out between a husband and wife. My Grandparents gave us the greatest gift of all and that is loving God and loving each other in a way that honored God. Thank you Grandpa for the beautiful example of love that you and Grandma gave me. Thank you God for giving me a Grandma that lived out Titus 2. I love you Grandpa! I love you Grandma!

My heart is broken.

I was on the phone with my mother (her cell phone) about 2 hours ago when she received a call (on her home phone) from the nursing home where my Grandparents live telling her that Grandma wasn't doing well and they needed to get there. My Grandpa wasn't there either. He was out visiting with his oldest daughter.

My father just called me to let me know that my Grandma passed away at 3pm this afternoon. We knew this day was coming because Hospice had been called in about 2 weeks ago but it is still a shock.

Now I have a very painful confession and why this hurts even more that it happened today. Mark asked me last night if I wanted to go to Holland to see my Grandparents and I said I wasn't really feeling like running all the way into Holland tonight and suggested that we go Friday. I could just kick myself. We knew there wasn't much time left, was it such an inconvenience to have just gone last night? It isn't like she would have even remembered we were there because her dementia had gotten so bad, but I know. Even when I said it to Mark last night in the back of my mind I was thinking "I hope I don't regret that". You see this same thing happened to Mark and I when his Grandma passed away. He had planned on stopping by to see her after work and had a long day at work and decided to just come home and see her the next night. She passed away unexpectantly in her sleep that night. She was still living on her own and volunteer tutoring at a local elementary school.

I know my Grandma is in the presence of Jesus Christ and for that I am grateful!

One tough day.

I love my Grandpa and Grandma! It hurts my heart to see them suffer. They are 89 and 88 years old and Grandma is in "advance stages of dementia" and Grandpa has been dealing with congestive heart failure. My parents were scheduled to leave on vacation last week Friday. They are supposed to be heading down to Arizona to visit with my Aunt.

Ten days ago Grandpa was hospitalized for the day with a flare up of the congestive heart failure. They were able to get him stable but sent him home with an oxygen machine. My folks had already been telling Grandpa that taking care of Grandma is taking too much of a toll on him and he needs to let others help him with her. Well this finally convinced him because it took him quite awhile to recover from it this time. He isn't able to get up quickly and if Grandma gets it in her head that she is leaving she will up and leave and he can't catch up with her. They were currently living in a retirement village but not receiving any help as far as nurses. Grandma is on a lot of medications and it is getting hard for Grandpa to get her to take them. Everyone has been taking turns visiting them a couple times a week just so Grandpa could have a break and go play cards and pool with some of the other guys in the building. However, it is hard to convince Grandma that he will be right back and sometimes she goes to get him but thankfully by the time she finds him she forgets why she was looking for him and will go back to their unit again.

Today we moved them to the next building over from where they were. It is 24 hour nursing care for both of them. All of their meals are provided, laundry is done for them, medication is dispensed and the huge plus is all the doors to the outside are locked. Grandma can not get out of the building. It requires a key code in order for the doors to open and Grandma could never remember it.

My Uncle's wife took Grandpa and Grandma to visit some of the Great-great-grandkids for the morning so that we could move their stuff without causing her too much stress. To say Grandma was upset to find all of her stuff moved is an understatement. She would not take her coat off and was letting Grandpa know how unhappy she was. My poor Grandpa was trying so hard to calm her down. She finally said, "I'm leaving!" I told Grandpa to just sit I will follow her and let her check the place out. By then he was more than willing to let someone else help out. By the time we walked down the short hallway to the front desk she had forgotten why she was there and asked me where John (Grandpa) went. I showed her back to the room and found Grandpa with his head in his hands crying. Tears flow even now as I type about it. This is a strong, loving man and to see him like that just tore my heart. I love him so dearly.

When it was finally time to leave Grandpa was by the front desk discussing Grandma's medicine with the nurse. (I should add here that it is a wonderful staff of ladies. They made us feel so welcomed. They even brought us lunch when they overheard we were going to skip lunch to get this done as quickly as possible before Grandma came back.) I mentioned to Grandpa that I had to leave and he asked me to wait a second. He came around from behind the counter to give me a hug and a kiss and he held me too long. You know what I mean, had he given me a quick hug I could have kept my emotions in check like I had all day but that hug lasted too long. I can still feel it and the kiss on my cheek. It opened the flood gates and I was crying uncontrollable before I could even get to my vehicle. I was able to keep it in check in front of Grandpa and I did tell him that I loved him.

Grandma tires me out emotionally in a couple hours and Grandpa is with her 24 hours a day. The love he has for her is beautiful. He is such a testimony to the love in a marriage that God intended.

Thursday my folks will get to leave for their vacation and now they will have the comfort of knowing that Grandpa is getting help with Grandma. If he needs a break he can leave at anytime and someone will be there to sit with Grandma and keep her company.

Grandpa and Grandma on Christmas day looking at a devotional book my sister gave them.
Grandpa lovin' on Libby. He LOVES his grandkids, great-grandkids, and great-great grandkids!

Please keep them in your prayers this week as Grandma adjusts to her new home. Pray for strength for Grandpa as he has to keep "re-living" the move because it will take awhile before Grandma stops asking "when are we going home" because she has forgotten that this is home.

Smiles!
(It is hard to do that today but I have joy in the knowledge that John and Ester's names are written in the Lamb's Book of Life! If my heart goes out for them how much more does my Heavenly Father's? God is watching and he will give them what they need today.)